Sharing a post I wrote on facebook

I’ve seen so many posts/meme’s from people who are aching to kick 2016 out the door and bring in 2017.  Mostly due to celebrity deaths. Deaths of people that were known by the vast majority only for their outward presentation and not for who they really were. But anyhow — this was what I wrote:

2016 wasn’t a bad year to me. Most of it was great. I had all my children here with me. My oldest was back from Japan for the first few months of it. He came home in May of 2015 and was here til April 2016.

My youngest of the three older ones made lots of positive changes in his life and started moving forward on the right path. A path he walked even though none of his friends did.

And my beautiful daughter was alive.

No – for me, 2016 wasn’t the worst year. Yes, Caitlin ‘s body failed (for reasons we aren’t sure of yet) and her essence left it. Yes this crushed me and has changed me forever – in some ways I don’t like – but I had her still for almost all of 2016. We played Animal Crossing together, went on walks together. 2015 was even better — her brother came back from Japan and we all went to Walmart together his first day back. Walked the familiar route, spouting our familiar banter.

May of 2015 - better days? Never.

May of 2015 – better days? Never.

2016 was her last year with me and there was much joy right up until October 7th.

I wish I had enjoyed those times more.

2017 will not be a better year. No year will EVER be a better year. No year will ever have all my children alive again.

So instead I will just move into 2017 carefully and cautiously, trying to remember what matters. Trying to remember that no matter how much things hurt, they could hurt even more. I could go on to lose a good friend, a close family member… or I could become fatally ill.

Point is, each moment is a blessing and if we keep looking forward – like I see in so many meme’s about ‘let’s just be done with 2016’ — we miss the good things we still have. Yes celebrities died. But my heart doesn’t go out to the fans of the dead. It goes out to the people who knew them and loved them. My heart goes out to every parent who has lost a child and yet still moves forward, and to every best friend of a person lost, and every lover of a person lost.

Each person you make eye contact with, communicate with, interact with. Care about. Appreciate the time you have with them. They, or You might not have another chance together.

Not meaning to be morbid but really, truly live in the Now. Because we can’t change yesterday, and tomorrow might never come. Each second now is all that we really know we have. Make it matter. You don’t need to push yourself to limitless boundaries or save the world or anything else crazily amazing – just love with all you can. The sky, the sun, the wind, the spirit… taste it, touch it. Let yourself fall into it. Into this moment because it is all we have and regardless of how much you might think life sucks at this moment, it has the ability to become worse. So.. love what you can, when you can. <3 Blessed Turn of the Year to you all.

 

One Comment

  1. This is very powerfully and wonderfully written. I am so moved, dear lady, to read these words. I so understand them. Your words will give many pause to think about this attitude of rushing head on into a new year and, to perhaps, think about what they are leaving behind in the old one. It’s really not about celebrities – except, as you say, to that celebrities friends and family. …. I came to dread the new year. It was further and further away from the year my daughter was here. And it’s true – we really only have right now. I know how hard these holidays are… Sending you love and peace.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *