1. Inga

    Oh Birch, I think of you and yours every time I look out my front window and see the big and the little birch tree, side by side, waving in the wind with their little, bright green spring leaves coming in.
    When the freezing rain splintered and broke many trees here, the big Birch was bent over all the way to the ground, it’s branches looked like glass that you could just shatter. It was bonded to the snow in a frozen arc for a long time.
    One sunny, warm day the ice ran off in streams of water and branch after branch rose up from the snow.
    And then, with a jolt, the whole tree straightened up sending a spray of melting ice through the air. It was amazing that it was still whole.

    • Birch

      I hope I can live up to my tree name. Some days Im a bit more bent and broken than others. But then things still happen that cause me to spring up at least halfway 🙂

  2. I think we lose a pieces of our self with such a huge loss. How can we not? Our children are part of us. Perhaps there are pieces we find again later. I think so. And sometimes we find things we didn’t expect to find. It is such a horrible, tragic journey. I understand your frustration and pain. I understanding wanting that time to just be left alone. I know how surreal everything feels. I hurt for you reading this…. I am glad you have your sons. I love your friend telling you about her birch trees. Wonderful image. peace to you always

    • Birch

      Thank you. I’m not sure why I didn’t respond to your comment before. I think often I mean to do things, and then sit with that thought, distraction finds me and I never get back to it. I am so easily distracted. In some ways its good because there is less time spent sitting in a puddle of sad. At the same time, the days sort of rush past me without me being very present in them. <3

      • I truly understand. I found myself the same way – doing those same things. Now years later I know I am still easily distracted – more easily than the before time. Perhaps not being very present is a way to be insulated. A way to buffer certain things out and allow some kind of tentative scaring over. This one thing is so big and so deep we couldn’t cope if everything was vibrant, loud, real, tangible. This one thing takes everything we have. Everyday means another day away from. Wishing you peace always <3

        • Birch

          This one thing is so big and so deep we couldn’t cope if everything was vibrant, loud, real, tangible.

          Yes – exactly. This fog could be a blessing in disguise. At the same time, it buffers some of the joy that is likely floating around me almost unnoticed. Maybe.

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