Well, yesterday’s blog entry invoked a mildly unhappy response from the ex. He has no idea how to use a computer, but through the help of his girlfriend *shudder*, he was able to read yesterday’s post.
It was a bit creepy…she joined facebook with a fake name and then I guess went poking around everything. The name had sounded familiar, so like a dumbass, I accepted her friend request. It sounded familiar because it was one of the fake names my ex had told me she used. The following might be a bit of a repetition… think of it as a recap because I privatized the other post.
My ex and I have been happily separated for 14 years. I say ‘happily’ because we certainly were NOT happy together.
I had posted yesterday about how angry I was that he was encouraging the kids to lie to me. He quit drugs, got clean, found God. All those things are very groovy things.
I dont care if he has money, I think it’s great that he spends it on buying school clothes etc for the kids. What makes me mad is when he tells them to not TELL me that he is buying them things, and to not TELL me he is giving them money. And it bugs me when he says he can’t afford to help with our daughter’s prescription, yet then gives them a couple hundred dollars and tells them not to tell me. I always want what is best for my kids.
When my ex mother in law brought our son back to me last week after a 12 day visit, she gave me a hundred dollar bill for our daughter. She said it was from their dad. I was thrilled for my daughter because what teenage girl DOESNT like to shop? However, it would have been cool too if maybe he had said ‘no, I cant afford to give you money toward her prescription because i’m giving the kids school clothes cash’.
But no… instead, he didnt even want me KNOWING he was giving her the 100 dollars. He thinks my son told me about it and gave him heck for telling me. Even though our son told him that it was the mother in law that gave it to me. OBVIOUSLy I am going to know it came from the dad. Then, the kids feel guilty about having money because they want to spend it, but dont want me knowing they have it.
Never in my life have I ever gone to court and asked for more money. Ever.
Years passed that he worked as a journeyman plumber, he went on trips with girlfriends, had credit cards and it wasnt until 11 or 12 years after our separation that I finally visited with a family maintenance enforcement officer to see about getting a legal set amount. The previous decade had gone by with erratic payments, no payments, threats, fights… it was just stupid. It was time for something legal.
I dont think he ever forgave me for doing that. As it turned out, he only paid on time about 6 times over the next three years.
So, when we went to court this past time… on his request to lower the amount, and I didn’t fight it, and I didnt request the amount owed in the seven months from the last payment til the court date (even though the judge said it was an outstanding amount), I thought I was being nice. Heck, I even loaned him twenty dollars for a cab ride to the bus station.
He turned to our son and said ‘Give your mom a kiss for me’.. which I made a face at, lol…. but I really thought that all was good.
I guess that’s why, when now, a few weeks later, he is making money and making the kids feel ashamed about having it, and making the kids feel that they need to lie about the money, it just makes me mad.
Over the past few years, I’ve tried really hard to forgive. To let go. I don’t want to harbour feelings of resentment or anger because it isnt good for myself or my family.
Then the kids are happy… smiling… because they got money from their dad.. yippee!!! But at the same time, they aren’t supposed to let me know they have it.
Of COURSE I know where it comes from. We sure as heck don’t have enough cash to give out a hundred here or there, so I’m pretty darn sure I would remember if I gave it to them.
Anyhow… just wanted to clarify. And “No, ex and ex’s girlfriend.. I do NOT post on blogs for sympathy. Blogging is something done by LOTS of people these days. I’ve got hundreds of posts in my online journals”.
My oldest is starting a new term at University. He is working toward his CIS certificate. We just filled out the forms. He actually was able to get seats out here in the classes for some of the courses he needed.
The quince are getting so close to being ready. Any my first tomato that I grew from seed is beginning to ripen.
I’m not sure if it is the Manitoba or Ovolic (sp), but I DO know they are heritage tomatoes from Salt Spring Seeds 😀
My Italian and Sweet Cayenne peppers are huge, and three butternut squash are sitting on the table waiting for use.
Hoping to have a few friends over for dinner at the Autumn Equinox/Mabon. The second harvest. A potluck would be great!
Poor Demetrio has been sick. Not sure why, just a fever that won’t go. But today he is doing a bit better. Not sure if it’s the Motrin, or if it’s finally running its course. Everyone else seems ok.